Disconnected and disillusioned

For the first time in almost 6 years, that I have been in America, I felt homesick. It's quite strange , because I didn't feel homesick ( not to this degree ) when i first came here. I was in awe of the country, of the Indian community I met at school , of the friends that became a part of every day life.

This evening we went for Garba and dandiya raas organized by Maharashtra mandal of Atlanta. We came away without even dancing a step. Not a familiar face.. everyone had a small smile that danced on their lips..but never reached their eyes.. Curious eyes that followed us and people talking in a strange tongue, even though marathi was no strange language to me,

Back in Mumbai, when we went for dandiya.. we would know people we were dancing around with.. they were part of a community, be it school , colony or work that we belonged too. They would know you and genuinely acknowledge your presence as some one who had a right to be there. Even at UTA, the feeling of belonging still remained.

Back home, the malayalees from the colony would get together a month in advance. The festivities of Onam would set in then as practiced for various programs would start in full swing. At the end of the feast..we would all go back knowing that Onam couldn't have been better. This year we decided to attend an Onam program at the temple here. Malayalees from Kerala who had settled in Atlanta were the organizers. It felt strange to celebrate Onam with strangers , eat lunch next to person you had never met before. i am hoping that next year it would be better.

Now in Atlanta, when we dont belong to any community , we feel out of place at most Indian gatherings..I am still trying to find a community here that I could belong to here..despite efforts to find some comfortable common ground to be on..its a slow and deliberate process albeit a very slippery one ...


Adios.